Murphy's laws in the field
The Law of Unexpectedness:
If anything can go wrong or turn out inconveniently, it will.
The Law of Packing for Travel:
If packing goes OK – there is something wrong.
Something has to happen in a shortest time.
The more grandiose the trip is – the more chances it ruins without starting.
The First Backpack Law:
The backpack capacity is twice less than the things you need to put inside it.
The Second Backpack Law:
The need to add something occurs when the backpack is completely filled and packed.
The Third Backpack Law:
The backpack’s weight is always bigger than the one you can lift without outside assistance.
The outside assistance is never there.
The First Packing Law:
No matter how well packed the things are, they will get wet anyway.
The Second Packing Law:
Badly packed things will definitely get wet, too.
There is always bigger amount of wet clothes than the dry ones.
The Plastic Bag Axiom:
There will be a hole in the very plastic bag you put the most valuable thing.
The Law of Belongings:
1. Things that are used most often are always at the bottom of the backpack.
2. The most necessary things are always found to be missing, but you find it out when already on trip.
If you are not sure whether you have taken certain things with you, it means you have not.
Things you thought to have been left behind will be found at the end of the trip when there is no more need of them.
The possibility of lift to break down the day you leave you apartment is directly proportional to your floor number and inversely proportional to the time left to dispatch of the train.
People who carry the group equipment are the ones to miss the train.
The Custom’s Control Law:
Border-crossing always happen at night!
The Good Neighbourly Relations Law:
All the neighbouring countries’ energies are directed to make the border-crossing procedure as difficult as possible.
Hinhlatt’s First paradox:
The insect repellents tend to run out, while the insect supplies are everlasting.
The First Insecticide Law:
The insecticide you chose never seems to have an effect.
The Second Insecticide Law:
There is always some kind of bloodsucker resistant to the insecticide.
The Law of Random Failure:
According to the statistics, one of ten mites is encephalitic, but it is you who turns to get it – the one and only.
The Campfire Law:
1. There is no firewood or matches.
2. Even if there is – there is either one or the other.
3. If there are both, then either firewood is damp or there is only one match left.
4. Wherever you are – the smoke is always with you.
The Last Match Law:
The last match always breaks.
The First Law of the Tent:
Somebody else`s tent is always better.
The Second Law of the Tent:
Your tent is the very one with a broken zip.
Who said that mosquitoes sleep at night?
The Sleeping Bag Law:
1. The sleeping bag gets wet no matter how many plastic bags are wound around it.
2. If carrying the sleeping bag outside the backpack, it will either become damp or get loose and fall into the precipice.
3. The zip of the sleeping bag gets stuck so bad that it’s impossible to move it until the morning comes.
4. The dried right after the rain sleeping bag gets wet in the rain after being forgotten about or becomes damp in the night dew.
The Law of Communal Conduct:
The one who snores is the first to fall asleep.
The Mattress Law:
The mattress leaks.
The Law of Drying over a Fire:
No matter how carefully you watch the things, they will burn down anyway.
Only the person who burnt down three pairs of shoes is considered a real tourist.
1. There is always lack of food.
2. If there is enough food – it is not enough for the trip.
3. On the last day it will turn out that there is plenty of stash for a week ahead.
No matter how much toilet paper you take with you it is never enough for the whole trip.
The Law of Sailing the Lakes:
In the middle of the lake, you need to go to the bathroom.
The Law of the Falling Sandwich:
A sandwich always falls with the butter first.
The Generalized Law of the Falling Sandwich:
No matter what is on your bread, it falls with it first, choosing the dirtiest place within a radius of five metres from you.
The Law of the mug:
1. If it is a crockery mug, it will get broken.
2. If it is metal, it will sink.
If you are the owner of the crockery mug, it does not mean it cannot sink.
The First Law of Photography:
The best shots are always bungled.
The Second Law of Photography:
The battery dies at the most unsuitable time.
The Backpacks Theory:
The packed backpack’s weight is always larger than the weight of all the things inside it. There is always a bit more stuff than can be fitted inside. A thing packed anyhow takes all the backpack’s space.
The Space Paradox:
The path length is directly proportional to the carried weight.
The path length is inversely proportional to the amount of beer (alcohol, vodka etc) taken for the group.
The consequence: the backpack’ capacity is measured in litres.
The Law of the Stop:
The best stop is 500 metres down the current.
Another group always takes the best stop.
The Wind Rules:
1. The wind always blows into your face (mug).
2. If it blows into your back, it means you:
a) go with your back first;
b) go in the wrong direction;
c) meet an exception which corroborates rule number one.
3. If the wind blows from every quarter simultaneously, you will fall into the precipice.
The rope left unattended ties into knots itself.
In the population places, you will find either foodstuffs that you already have in plenty or the foods that you do not need at all.
The time of arrival into the population place can be easily foreseen on the assumption of the amount of the foodstuffs left over:
- If you have run out of them – the shops are being closed;
- If there are a lot of them – the storage room is closed for meal period.
The situation gets easier if there is a timetable for the transport you need: you will get to the stop/station in after an hour after its departure. In addition, the next train is only the next day.
The probability of overturn going through the rapids is in direct proportion to the crew’s self-confidence and is inversely proportional to its experience.
The desire for going through the rapids is inversely proportional to the quantity of smoked cigarettes.
The art of going on trips is defined by the ability to use useless things that you have taken with you instead of the ones left behind.
As soon as you have tied and packed everything into a leakproof bag, the things you have forgotten will appear.
If not, then you have packed something you will just need.
If it is also not, then you have tied the bag badly and the things will get wet.
Once you have stretched an apron taut, you will need something urgently on the shore.
Once you take it off – there will be no need in it anymore.
The same can be noticed when using dry suit.
Everything that can get wet – will.
In the very suitable moment for taking pictures the camera is in the most inaccessible place.
If after a half-hour search you manage to get it out, be sure – the battery is dead.
If the camera is always near and stands by to take pictures, then there is nothing to shoot or you are too busy with something else.
Everything that in essence cannot get wet – will.
If you found a dry thing, it means:
- You left it at home;
- Instead of water trip down the Zachlupanka spring, you are taking part in a cycle race in Kyzyl-kum.
The time of the rapids preliminary evaluation is in direct proportion to the time spent in the barrel.
If rolling over turns out successfully, it means:
- There is going to be one more over-keel;
- You got into an awkward situation having drowned your partner by crowning him with an oar when rising.
About the weather
1. (135kilometer Law) En tour everything means rain.
2. The weather forecast is true only for the places where we are not in.
3. Bad weather forecasts always come true.
4. The air temperature is in direct proportion to the amount of warm clothes taken with you.
5. Before getting better, the weather gets worse.
6. Who says it is going to get better?
7. If the weather forecast is good and it is sunny, tomorrow morning it is going to rain.
8. If you got on the train soaked to the skin and the weather forecast is far from a happy one – it will be so.
9. If it rains like cats and dogs, it is not ruled out that the real storm will break.
10. If you are lucky and you have managed to dry your clothes in the sun, it is going to rain all the following days.
11. If after a few rainy days the sun peeped out, turn back: there is a storm approaching.
12. Before the storm, the wind dies away, the sun appears for a very short time and blue sky can be seen.
13. The very instant you fold up the tent/pack a raincoat/take a seat to have a snack/ get off the train, it will start to rain.
The Medical Axiom:
You will fall ill with a disease you have not taken any medicine for with you.
The Life Jacket’s Laws:
1. There is no life jacket.
2. If there is one – you do not have it.
3. If you do – it is not with you but at home.
4. Even if you have it with you and on you, when you fall out the boat, you will find out that you have forgotten to blow it up.
The First Wind Law:
The wind is adverse.
The Second Wind Law (Zhuravliov-Yudin’s Law):
In the very moment you turn to make the wind favourable, it dies out.
The Law of Going through the Rapids:
As a rule, the most dangerous stones are invisible.
The Oar’s Law:
If the oar can break – it will.
The Broadened Oar’s Law:
Even if the oar cannot break, it will.
The Generalized Oar’s Law:
The oar will break in the most dangerous place of the rapids no matter if you thought it could break or not.
The Beginner’s Law:
Self-confidence is inversely proportional to the number of rapids gone through.
With the number of rapids gone through rising, the possibility of overturns is asymptotically approaches to zero.
Fedorov’s Refutation to the Beginner’s Law:
Splashing of the self-confidence can be observed irrespective of the number of rapids gone through.
The possibility of overturns is always more than zero, inversely proportional to its expectation and in direct proportion to the severity of consequence.
The Going through the Rapids Regulations (for the Beginners):
1. You are not Super-man.
2. The best way to go through the rapids is to miss it.
3. If all the rest went through the rapids without any difficulties, it does not mean that you will not have any either.
4. Never go through the rapids with somebody braver than you are.
5. Clapping hands before the rapids is bad form.
6. If you entered the rapids not the way you wanted, any attempt to fix it will only make it worse.
“A tourist eats little, but often.”
“It is all wrong: you should eat much, and often.”
“The cad is not the one who eats all, but who eats the last crumb.”
“The more slush – the wider mug.”
“The technical slush is not the venereal one.”
“Each dirt, mote etc is a vitamin in the forest.”
“When you are on a trip, everything is sterile, germs die of dirt.”
“If it is smaller than a centimetre, it is not dirt, if it is bigger – it will fall off itself.”
And a cardinal one – “There is no dirt in taiga!”
“If you pick something up really quickly, it is not considered the one to have fallen.”
“Who else lays a claim to cheese crumbs?”
The Standards of Camp Communal Conduct:
“If the rope is not tied to anything – it is no man`s rope.” (When binding catamaran to a wooden frame).
“If the thing lies at more than two metres` distance from its owner, it is considered lost.”
Newton’s Fourth Law: “Bodies, falling on their tales, are cut off automatically.”
The canon one (for the one, who is late, let us say, for dinner): “A cormorant (a fellow) that arrives late –overflies.”
The banal one: “Do not snap your beak amongst friends” “And if you do – do it quickly.”
“Less speed – wider mug, the wider our mugs are – the closer our ranks are.”
The Orientation Laws:
If you do not care where you are, you have not got lost.
The correct paths are always found accidentally.
The depth of the pool can be sounded only by getting into it.
The Tourist Cooking Laws:
If water in gets warm for a long time and finally boils, food will boil longer.
Water in cauldron boils when everyone falls asleep or when there is no wood left.
Not only everything in the cauldron falls on the ground when turning it over, but also all the fire is put out.
The amount of drunk alcohol is directly proportional to the number of tourists, who decided not to climb.
If you helped your friend in need, he will think of you when he is in trouble again.
The Counter’s Laws:
1. The makers always decide to phase out the production of any good stuff.
2. Something you like is never purchasable.
1. Left the ticket behind, missed the train, hooligans took away the backpack and the money, and cops ran you in for a fight.
2. If in has been agreed to meet at the railway station in order to transfer cauldrons, you will definitely be expected at the bus factory.
3. All problems are resolved in time:
a) wet clothes dry out;
b) food poisoning passes;
c) blisters resolve;
d) dummies stop whining.